I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize