Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
