I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
