i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
