The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize