Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
so much tequila, so little girl.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
