I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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