this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Randomize