Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
