Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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