I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Randomize
