They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Found your dick twin last night
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Randomize
