All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
