It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
whose ass print is on the piano?
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
