When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
