I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize