Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
