so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Randomize
