she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Randomize
