So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Randomize
