did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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