How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
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