whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
i drank out of a bidet.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Randomize
