Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
and i looked up. we had an audience...
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
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