Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
Randomize
