apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
