you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
You dont lie about slip and slides
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
