Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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