YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Randomize
