Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
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