We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
