Your mouth is God's brothel.
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
I don't think brook has ever known best
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Randomize
