where does the pee come out of this thing
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
