i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
