420 ftw
she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Randomize
