Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
i just wanna soil my oats bro
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
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