So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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