I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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