if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
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