i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Randomize
