We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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