Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
this hospital has no fireball
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
