just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
I love having hate sex.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
