Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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