you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
