I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Randomize
