I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
