just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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