If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
