dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
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