If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Randomize