I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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