you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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