Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
