Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
