my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Drunk is a universal language darling
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
