Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
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