If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize