So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
