So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
