I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
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