WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
