I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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