the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
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