he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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