where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Randomize
