Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize